you don't know unless you try.

sometimes you have to do things that scare you. how do you grow if you never do anything that makes you nervous? how do you know what you're capable of if you never push yourself? how do you reach your full potential if you don't give it a good old-fashioned try?
so i am going to be doing something that scares me witless.
something that makes my insides flip.
you know that feeling where you're pretty sure you're going to pass out, or throw up, or maybe both at the same time?
that's what singing in front of people does to me.
but i am going to do it.
i have enlisted the help of a friend who plays guitar and sings ("band" is his day job so he's real used to being onstage and in the spotlight) so i won't be flying completely solo. we are going to be doing obscure covers and christmas songs.
so mark your calendars: dec. 15th @ silverwood park cafe.
here's to doing scary things.

xo

if you're a five iron fan i would suggest not reading this post.

as a lover all music there isn't much i don't like but there is one genre that i can't really stand. it's called ska.
never got into the supertones, the insyderz, the w's, or five iron frenzy.

horns and guitar= i don't like.

as many people know five iron recently did a kickstarter and got back together. the hearts of all the used-to-be-awkward-teens-now-mid-twentysomethings cheered.
so they put out an album (or maybe they're still working on it??? i don't know, again, i really don't care for ska) and booked a couple of shows. much to the delight of a couple of my roommates, one of their scheduled shows was at lifelight. yay.

one of the most intruiging things about five iron frenzy is that their frontman, reese roper, refuses to sign anything. he says he doesn't want it to be about him, he wants it to be about God.
well that's wonderful, i say!
but here's the catch: he is a COMPLETE showboat onstage. i caught a good portion of their show at lifelight and here are just some of the "God-glorifying" antics that happened during that show:

-he just ran circles around and around the trapset
-someone threw a potato onstage, he took a huge bite and spit it on the front row
-he ripped the head off a pinata with his teeth

the entire show seemed to be all about reese roper. i actually can't even remember if he mentioned God, or Jesus, or even loving people at all. maybe he did, but it was in passing and completely outshined by flying potato and the fact that you could tell he was totally winded because he isn't 25 anymore and hasn't toured in years.

i'm all for crazy stage antics and having a good time and putting on a great show (not that i think spitting food on a crowd is a great show but you get my point) but then don't turn around and say that you won't sign the the t-shirt you are selling for profit because it's really all about Jesus when ten minutes ago it was clearly all about you. i wouldn't even care as much if he didn't sign if the whole set was filled with worship music, prayer, and words that truly brought attention to the Lord but to be a complete attention-hog onstage and then refuse to sign afterwards is totally bull.

i'm sure in person reese is a real nice guy. i heard he had a big hand in a church plant. i truly believe that he does care about lost souls.

but cut the crap, reese, and sign a dang poster.

xo

14 years in the making.

phil joel touched my shoulder.
eek!
i know as a 26 year old i should not be so enamored with a married father of 2 but the man captured my heart with flowing locks and bass when i was 12 and when i fall, i fall hard.
so take the adoration from my 12 year old self and fast forward to lifelight 2012. my first love was playing multiple times on multiple stages. jackpot. terra (a friend who knows more of my secrets than i am comfortable with) and i hit up the coffee house show with some friends who are considering starting a side-project band called, 'phil joel's lips'.
the show was intimate and incredible. peter furler joined phil for a couple songs, playing the drums and singing backup. two men who seemed untouchable to me as a teenager were suddenly 20 feet from me with nothing but a strategically placed folding table as a barrier.
after the show phil graciously decided to do an impromptu meet and greet right then and there.
this.was.my.chance.
i got in line with nothing for him to sign but a question that i wanted to ask. see, he was playing a late night worship session later that night and in all the times i have seen him play i have never heard him play his song, "resolution" (track 10 off his sophomore album, 'bring it on'). while it's not really a worship song i just wanted to know if he was going to play it during the worship session because i love it and it could be worship-y.

the next band was warming up/soundchecking and it was getting difficult to converse, this is how the conversation went:
phil: hello.
me: hi. i was just wondering if you were going to play "resolution" tonight?
phil: (leans in and places his hand on my left shoulder) i'm sorry, what?
me: i was just wondering if you were going to play "resolution" tonight?
phil: (blank look) that's a fun song, huh?
me: (puzzled) yeah....so you're not planning on playing it then?
phil: no, i don't think i have ever played that song.
me: (super puzzled) okay? (smiles, walks away).

clearly, he had no idea what i was talking about or the fact that i was talking about a song that he, himself, had penned. it hurt my heart a little. i just had the most un-magical encounter with a fellow i had wanted to meet for years. i wanted him to say, "well i wasn't planning on playing that but i will. just for you, sara." maybe we'd hug and become facebook friends. but all i got was confusion and a blank stare.
well that and a shoulder touch.

xo

fun.

i really appreciate fun.
i'm talking the band here. i mean, i appreciate having fun as well but the band fun. is quickly becoming a consistent spin in my car to and from work. the album is made up of a ton of different sounds but is still wonderfully cohesive. it's delightful.
one song, however, breaks my heart every time it plays.
track 9.
one foot.
the second verse goes a little something like this:

I happened to stumble upon a chapel last night
and I can’t help but back up when I think of what’s happens inside.
I got friends locked in boxes and no way to live.
But you call it a sin isn’t up to them.
After all, I thought we were all Your children.
But I will die for my own sins thanks a lot,
we’ll raise up ourselves thanks for nothing at all.
So get up off the ground for our fathers who are nothing but dust now.

i fear it was christians who hurt the writer of such sad lyrics, not Christ. i am afraid it was a well-meaning christian who condemned rather than loved. who pointed fingers instead of extending grace. who felt it was their place to judge in order to save when saving isn't our job in the first place. maybe i'm wrong. i hope i am.
one thing i do know is that i feel compelled to pray for them whenever i hear "one foot."
i will probably never meet them but i hope that someone who meets them is able to show them the true face of Christ.
'cause you can't raise yourself up, fun.

xo