an open letter to security guards at concerts.

dear security professional:

i'm thankful for your commitment to keeping concert attendees safe.

i appreciate it when you yank down a crowd surfer so i don't get kicked in the head.

i admire how those of you who are placed at the front of stage can stand there with your arms crossed, glaring at the crowd and don't once look back at the show happening directly behind your head; you have way more self-control than i would have.

i think it's really fun that you get to wear all black, it's my favorite color.

but can you please stop rushing me out of the club the second the show is over? i know you're working and you want to go home and i'm preventing you from doing that but i just want to grab an album or say hello to the band. i paid to be here and this is a fun thing for me and i want it to last as long as possible! besides most bands need to get packed up and loaded out so they aren't going to hang out forever anyway. once the band is gone people will scatter within 5 minutes.

i promise i will move out of the way if you are sweeping or taking out the trash. i will even throw shade at the girl who is talking way too long to the band and holding up the line in a vain attempt to move her along. i'm really not trying to be a nuisance i just want the opportunity to tell the lead singer that his ponytail is on-point.

thanks for your understanding.

xo