whiney post for a wednesday.

this past weekend a part of my heart heaved one big sigh and cried a single tear as i realized that i am becoming too old to creep.
i am not above admitting that i readily internet-stalk my favorite artists and really know more about them and their personal lives than i should. i am not above admitting that when i am at festivals i will go to the show of a dude who's band i couldn't give two cares about just because i think he's pretty. i am not above admitting having a shameless love for guys instead of men. yeah, there's a difference.
but now things are getting real.
see, now bands at festivals (they always were, i was just younger then so it was completely appropriate) ARE IN THEIR TEENS. i can't, in good conscious, creep on a 17 year old. i just can't do it. instead of thinking "mmmm, he's super attractive and probably wants to buy me fro yo," i now think, "oh cute, he's like 12 and actually pretty decent at guitar, how precious."
even bands where you think just maybe they are a little closer to my age and it wouldn't be weird at all to be friends....nope, they are still only 20 and act like they're 15.
one of the things that sucks the most about this revelation is that they are the up and coming bands that are playing on the stages that i appreciate most at festivals. i know the huge names on mainstage are often the ones that draw the masses but i love the smaller stages with the no-name bands where maybe you've heard one of their songs before but are pleasantly surprised (or perhaps left trying to find a way to gracefully walk away from the crowd of twelve people because you know they will notice one person leaving) by their set. those stages are the whole reason i get to brag and say that i saw and fell in love with mutemath, tfk, switchfoot, and others before they got wildly popular. but now standing by those stages makes me oh-so-very aware that i'm at the older end of the "millennial" age category. but self-awareness is a good thing, right?
it's not that i can't still appreciate the art they make or that i won't buy their album or go to their shows, it's just that now instead of playing 'which band member is the cutest?' you can't help but think that had you lived in the same town you probably would have been their babysitter.
i fear for the day i am able to say "i'm old enough to be your mother," and like to hang out at mainstage.

xo