14 years in the making.

phil joel touched my shoulder.
eek!
i know as a 26 year old i should not be so enamored with a married father of 2 but the man captured my heart with flowing locks and bass when i was 12 and when i fall, i fall hard.
so take the adoration from my 12 year old self and fast forward to lifelight 2012. my first love was playing multiple times on multiple stages. jackpot. terra (a friend who knows more of my secrets than i am comfortable with) and i hit up the coffee house show with some friends who are considering starting a side-project band called, 'phil joel's lips'.
the show was intimate and incredible. peter furler joined phil for a couple songs, playing the drums and singing backup. two men who seemed untouchable to me as a teenager were suddenly 20 feet from me with nothing but a strategically placed folding table as a barrier.
after the show phil graciously decided to do an impromptu meet and greet right then and there.
this.was.my.chance.
i got in line with nothing for him to sign but a question that i wanted to ask. see, he was playing a late night worship session later that night and in all the times i have seen him play i have never heard him play his song, "resolution" (track 10 off his sophomore album, 'bring it on'). while it's not really a worship song i just wanted to know if he was going to play it during the worship session because i love it and it could be worship-y.

the next band was warming up/soundchecking and it was getting difficult to converse, this is how the conversation went:
phil: hello.
me: hi. i was just wondering if you were going to play "resolution" tonight?
phil: (leans in and places his hand on my left shoulder) i'm sorry, what?
me: i was just wondering if you were going to play "resolution" tonight?
phil: (blank look) that's a fun song, huh?
me: (puzzled) yeah....so you're not planning on playing it then?
phil: no, i don't think i have ever played that song.
me: (super puzzled) okay? (smiles, walks away).

clearly, he had no idea what i was talking about or the fact that i was talking about a song that he, himself, had penned. it hurt my heart a little. i just had the most un-magical encounter with a fellow i had wanted to meet for years. i wanted him to say, "well i wasn't planning on playing that but i will. just for you, sara." maybe we'd hug and become facebook friends. but all i got was confusion and a blank stare.
well that and a shoulder touch.

xo